Over the years, one thing I always told moms in my childbirth classes was this simple idea: there is no birth math!
What I meant by that is if your contractions took four hours to get you to 3 centimeters, that doesn’t mean it’s going to take another four hours to get to 6 centimeters. There’s just no formula or calculation that can predict how long labor will take. Every labor is different. Every body is different. Sometimes things move fast after hours of slow progress, and sometimes they don’t. Contractions can come and go in ways that don’t follow any set pattern.
When I taught, I discouraged “birth math” because when moms start trying to figure out timing and doing mental calculations, they get stuck in their heads. That thinking mode can actually get in the way of the body doing what it needs to do. Instead of tuning in and trusting the process, moms might start worrying or stressing about how long things are taking. That stress and mental chatter can slow things down or make labor harder. Birth needs trust and presence more than anything else.
Staying “out of your head” during labor is important because birth is a physical, emotional, and hormonal process that works best when your body feels safe and relaxed. When your mind is busy calculating or worrying, it can trigger stress hormones like adrenaline. These hormones slow down or stall the release of oxytocin, the hormone that helps your uterus contract and labor progress. Simply put, overthinking can slow labor or make it more uncomfortable.
Here are five tips I always shared with moms to help stay present and out of their heads during labor:
- Use mantras or simple phrases
Repeating reassuring words like “one contraction at a time” or “trust my body” helps redirect your focus from thinking to feeling. - Prepare a birth plan with flexible intentions
Having a general plan written ahead of time reduces the need to make big decisions during labor. Remember it’s a guide, not a rulebook. - Create a calm, low-stimulation environment
Dim lights, soothing music, and familiar comfort items help reduce distractions that might trigger overthinking. - Move your body gently
Swaying, walking, dancing, or changing positions helps your mind engage with your body rather than abstract thoughts. - Have a trusted birth partner and/or doula
Build a team who holds space, understands your wishes, and can take on decision-making and communication with providers so you don’t have to juggle those thoughts yourself.
Looking back, I’m really glad I got to share this with so many moms. Birth is messy, unpredictable, and beautiful. There’s no math to solve... just a powerful journey to be trusted and experienced.
So if you’re expecting or supporting someone who is, remember: no birth math. Just trust the process and the amazing work your body is doing.
Motherhood cracks you open in ways you never imagined. From the moment you hold your baby (or maybe the moment you realize you are pregnant), the weight of responsibility, love, and uncertainty settles in. You find yourself questioning everything. Is my baby eating enough? Why won’t they sleep? Am I doing this right?
In the swirl of new motherhood, one of the greatest challenges is learning to trust yourself. But how do you know when it’s your intuition speaking versus anxiety shouting?
The difference between anxiety and intuition is subtle yet powerful. Understanding it can help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected to your authentic self as a mother.
Anxiety Seeks, Intuition Knows
Anxiety is loud. It rushes in, demanding answers, running through a mental checklist of what-ifs. It thrives on uncertainty, making you feel like you need more information, more validation, or a backup plan for every possible scenario.
Intuition, on the other hand, is steady and deep. It doesn’t shout, it nudges. It’s the feeling in your gut that something is right or wrong, even if you can’t explain why. Intuition isn’t rooted in fear, it’s rooted in trust. That trust is already in you, you carry that wisdom already.
Tuning into Your Authentic Self
New motherhood is a time of transformation, and with it can come a disconnect from yourself. When everything is new and overwhelming, anxiety can take over. Grounding yourself in who you truly are can help you recognize when your inner knowing is speaking.
Here are some ways to reconnect with your intuition:
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Anxiety pulls you into overthinking, while intuition often comes through bodily sensations. Take a deep breath. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Ask yourself, What do I feel deep down? If the feeling is a calm certainty or a knowing, even if it doesn’t make logical sense, it’s likely intuition. If it’s spiraling thoughts and urgency, it’s likely anxiety.
Practice Grounding Rituals
Grounding techniques help you return to the present moment, where intuition thrives. Try:
Breathwork: A few slow, deep breaths can quiet anxious thoughts.
Nature: Step outside, feel the earth beneath you, and let nature regulate your nervous system.
Journaling: Write without judgment. Sometimes, intuition reveals itself through reflection.
Notice the Energy Behind the Thought
Anxiety feels like a race…quick, restless, and full of second-guessing. Intuition feels like a gentle wave, it comes, it stays, and it doesn’t demand. When you’re unsure, pause. Ask yourself: Does this thought feel urgent and fear-based, or does it feel calm and certain?
Trust Yourself
The biggest challenge of motherhood is learning to trust yourself in a world full of opinions. Tune out the social media, throw away the multitude of parenting books, and ask a trusted friend or family member instead of heading down the Reddit spiral. When you make decisions based on intuition rather than fear, you build confidence in your ability to navigate motherhood in a way that feels right for you and your baby.
Remember
Anxiety isn’t bad, it’s a protector, a response to the unknown. But it shouldn’t be the driver. Intuition is your inner guide, always present, waiting for you to listen. The more you slow down, ground yourself, and trust your own wisdom, the easier it will be to tell the difference.
You already have everything you need within you. Take a deep breath, momma…you’ve got this.
