Becoming a mother is one of the most profound identity shifts a person can experience. It brings joy, exhaustion, love, and often, a deep emotional upheaval. Many new moms seek therapy to help navigate this transition, but those who turn to general mental health professionals, rather than perinatal experts, often leave feeling unseen and unsupported.
So why do so many postpartum moms feel let down by therapy? In my 25+ years of working with mothers this is what I have learned.
Therapists Didn’t Understand Matrescence
Matrescence is the developmental transition into motherhood. It's as significant as adolescence (read about it in my previous blog here), yet few therapists are trained in it, or even know what it is!! Many moms found that when they tried to express grief over their old life, the loss of personal freedom, or their changing identity, they were met with blank stares or surface-level reassurances like, “It’ll get better soon.”
Their Postpartum Anxiety or Depression Was Minimized
For moms experiencing postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), therapy should be a place of validation and support. Instead, many were told their intrusive thoughts were just “normal new mom worries,” or that their struggles were just due to sleep deprivation. This led some to shut down, feeling unsafe to share their most distressing emotions.
Intrusive (scary) Thoughts Were Misunderstood and Treated as an Emergency
One of the most common symptoms of postpartum anxiety and OCD is intrusive thoughts, unwanted, distressing images or fears, often about harm coming to the baby. Many moms who bravely opened up about these thoughts in therapy were met with alarm instead of reassurance. Some were unnecessarily reported for safety concerns or urged into interventions that didn’t match their actual risk level. Stories of this lack of understanding led many to suffer in silence, afraid that seeking help would result in judgment or even separation from their child. (FYI: intrusive thoughts are not the same as psychosis)
Birth Trauma Was Overlooked
Birth experiences shape the postpartum period, yet many therapists dismissed difficult or traumatic births with phrases like, “At least you and the baby are healthy.” Moms struggling with medical trauma, emergency interventions, or NICU stays often felt their pain was minimized rather than processed in a meaningful way.
The Advice Felt Out of Touch
Self-care is important, but when a therapist suggests “taking a break” or “practicing mindfulness” without acknowledging the mental load of parenting, it feels unrealistic. Many new moms were told to “just ask for help,” without any recognition that finding support, especially in a culture that doesn’t prioritize postpartum care, is not always simple.
Relationship and Role Shifts Were Ignored
Motherhood changes everything—including relationships with partners, friends, and family. Yet, many therapists focused only on individual emotions rather than helping parents navigate shifting dynamics, resentment, or the loss of connection with their pre-baby life.
There Was a Lack of Knowledge About Breastfeeding and Infant Sleep
Sleep deprivation and feeding struggles are some of the biggest stressors postpartum, yet many therapists weren’t equipped to address them. Moms were often told, “Just stop breastfeeding if it’s stressing you out,” or given sleep advice that didn’t align with biologically normal infant behavior.
Therapy Didn’t Include Practical or Community Support
New parents need more than just talk therapy—they need tangible support. Perinatal experts often recommend local mom groups, postpartum doulas, lactation consultants, and pelvic floor therapy. But many general therapists didn’t offer these resources, leaving parents feeling isolated.
Postpartum Was Treated as a Short Phase
Many moms reported that their therapists assumed postpartum struggles ended at six weeks (when medical care also tends to drop off) or at three months, even though research shows PMADs and identity shifts can last well beyond the first year.
The Difference a Perinatal Expert Makes
A therapist trained in perinatal mental health understands the complexities of matrescence, PMADs, birth trauma, and the daily realities of early motherhood. They provide validation, nuanced support, and practical solutions tailored to the postpartum experience.
Perinatal experts are deeply connected to local resources that support both postpartum and prenatal mothers. They can guide you toward medical providers, birth and postpartum doulas, childbirth education classes, pelvic floor care, lactation resources, and other essential services that set the foundation for a supported transition into motherhood.
If you or someone you know is struggling postpartum, seeking out a perinatal mental health expert can make all the difference. You deserve to be seen, heard, and supported in this transition, Mother Rising can help.
Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be isolating...especially in further out suburban areas like parts of Lake, Geauga, Ashtabula, and Eastern Cuyahoga counties. Finding a village of fellow moms can be life-changing, not just for emotional support but for overall mental health. That’s why local mom groups like Mother Rising, The Mamahood, Fit4Mom, The Willoughby Mom Walk, and even library storytimes are more than just social gatherings...they’re lifelines.
Here’s why these community connections matter so much:
Village Building: Finding Your People
We’re not meant to mother alone. Historically, child-rearing happened in tight-knit communities, but modern life separates us from built-in support. Mom groups and library storytimes recreate that lost village, providing a space where moms can swap stories, share struggles, and simply feel understood. Whether it’s a workout, a walk, or a circle of strollers at the library, these moments of connection can remind you that you’re not alone.
The Serotonin Boost: Feel-Good Chemicals at Work
Spending time with others...especially in positive, welcoming spaces, triggers serotonin and oxytocin, the brain’s natural mood boosters. Laughter, shared experiences, and even small conversations at storytime can ease stress, fight off loneliness, and improve overall mental health.
Body Movement: Mental and Physical Health Combined
Groups like Fit4Mom and The Willoughby Mom Walk incorporate movement into social connection, which is a double win for mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress, and improves sleep, all crucial for moms navigating the emotional ups and downs of motherhood. Even just pushing a stroller on a walk or dancing at a library storytime can provide a much-needed energy shift.
Something to Look Forward To
Motherhood can be repetitive, and days can blur together. Having a weekly mom group, a fitness class, or a standing library storytime creates structure and gives moms something to anticipate with joy. That sense of looking forward to something, no matter how small, can be a powerful tool for mental well-being.
Commitment to Yourself
It’s easy to prioritize everyone else’s needs before your own, but signing up for a group or making a standing date to meet other moms is a form of self-care. Committing to an activity means you’re carving out time for yourself, even if it includes your little ones. It’s a way of saying, I matter too.
Meeting New People: Expanding Your Support System
Motherhood often reshapes friendships, and finding like-minded moms in your area can be a game-changer. Groups like Mother Rising, Fit4Mom, The Willoughby Mom Walk, and The Mamahood provide a welcoming space for forming new friendships, which can lead to deeper support systems, playdates, and even lifelong connections.
Go Even If You Don’t Feel Like It
It’s easy to talk yourself out of going...maybe you’re tired, anxious, or just not in the mood. Maybe you’ve tried before and didn’t immediately feel a spark or connection with the group. Go anyway. The magic isn’t always in the first meeting, it’s in showing up for yourself, over and over, until something shifts. Sometimes, the simple act of leaving the house and being around other moms is enough to start feeling better. Give yourself the chance to belong.
Finding Your Local Village
If you’re in Lake, Geauga, Ashtabula, or Eastern Cuyahoga County, there are plenty of ways to get involved (click names for info):
- Mother Rising (mom hikes, education, and birth story circles)
- The Mamahood (in-person community events)
- Fit4Mom (fitness and connection online and in person - events with and w/o baby)
- The Willoughby Mom Walk (community walks with fellow moms)
- Library Storytimes (social opportunities for both you and your child)
If you’ve been feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or just craving connection, consider trying one of these groups. The benefits go beyond just an hour of socializing...it’s about building a village that supports you, lifts you up, and reminds you that you’re not alone in this journey
Motherhood cracks you open in ways you never imagined. From the moment you hold your baby (or maybe the moment you realize you are pregnant), the weight of responsibility, love, and uncertainty settles in. You find yourself questioning everything. Is my baby eating enough? Why won’t they sleep? Am I doing this right?
In the swirl of new motherhood, one of the greatest challenges is learning to trust yourself. But how do you know when it’s your intuition speaking versus anxiety shouting?
The difference between anxiety and intuition is subtle yet powerful. Understanding it can help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected to your authentic self as a mother.
Anxiety Seeks, Intuition Knows
Anxiety is loud. It rushes in, demanding answers, running through a mental checklist of what-ifs. It thrives on uncertainty, making you feel like you need more information, more validation, or a backup plan for every possible scenario.
Intuition, on the other hand, is steady and deep. It doesn’t shout, it nudges. It’s the feeling in your gut that something is right or wrong, even if you can’t explain why. Intuition isn’t rooted in fear, it’s rooted in trust. That trust is already in you, you carry that wisdom already.
Tuning into Your Authentic Self
New motherhood is a time of transformation, and with it can come a disconnect from yourself. When everything is new and overwhelming, anxiety can take over. Grounding yourself in who you truly are can help you recognize when your inner knowing is speaking.
Here are some ways to reconnect with your intuition:
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Anxiety pulls you into overthinking, while intuition often comes through bodily sensations. Take a deep breath. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Ask yourself, What do I feel deep down? If the feeling is a calm certainty or a knowing, even if it doesn’t make logical sense, it’s likely intuition. If it’s spiraling thoughts and urgency, it’s likely anxiety.
Practice Grounding Rituals
Grounding techniques help you return to the present moment, where intuition thrives. Try:
Breathwork: A few slow, deep breaths can quiet anxious thoughts.
Nature: Step outside, feel the earth beneath you, and let nature regulate your nervous system.
Journaling: Write without judgment. Sometimes, intuition reveals itself through reflection.
Notice the Energy Behind the Thought
Anxiety feels like a race…quick, restless, and full of second-guessing. Intuition feels like a gentle wave, it comes, it stays, and it doesn’t demand. When you’re unsure, pause. Ask yourself: Does this thought feel urgent and fear-based, or does it feel calm and certain?
Trust Yourself
The biggest challenge of motherhood is learning to trust yourself in a world full of opinions. Tune out the social media, throw away the multitude of parenting books, and ask a trusted friend or family member instead of heading down the Reddit spiral. When you make decisions based on intuition rather than fear, you build confidence in your ability to navigate motherhood in a way that feels right for you and your baby.
Remember
Anxiety isn’t bad, it’s a protector, a response to the unknown. But it shouldn’t be the driver. Intuition is your inner guide, always present, waiting for you to listen. The more you slow down, ground yourself, and trust your own wisdom, the easier it will be to tell the difference.
You already have everything you need within you. Take a deep breath, momma…you’ve got this.
Women, particularly mothers, often find themselves prioritizing the needs of others over their own well-being, leaving them feeling drained and disconnected. Establishing boundaries is a vital practice that helps individuals protect their emotional, mental, and physical health, while maintaining respectful relationships. Contrary to the misconception that boundaries are about controlling others, they are actually commitments made to oneself about what is tolerable and how one will manage their responses when those limits are approached.
Setting boundaries can be particularly challenging for women who have been socialized to be caregivers and people-pleasers. This often leads to feelings of selfishness or guilt when asserting personal needs, and the intricate demands of motherhood can further blur the lines between personal space and family obligations. However, developing boundaries is a skill that can be cultivated with practice, starting with self-awareness and the courage to say "no" to protect one's personal space.
Establishing boundaries requires consistent effort but offers significant rewards, such as enhanced self-respect and empowerment. By embracing and maintaining these personal limits, women can safeguard their well-being and foster more nourishing relationships. Ultimately, boundaries are about making intentional choices that reflect one's values and provide the energy needed to engage meaningfully with both oneself and others.
Read more...
As a mental health therapist who works exclusively with mothers and women, I spend my days holding space for stories of transition, identity, and the deep, untidy emotions of motherhood. I am honored to guide women through these pivotal times, often giving words to feelings they’ve been too overwhelmed, or too afraid, to articulate. And yet, watching Nightbitch, I felt something unexpected: I felt seen.
Which sounds strange, right? I’ve been a mother myself almost 30 years. I don’t have babies anymore. I’m not knee deep in this myself, that season has ended for me. And, I live this work. I speak these truths to women every day, reminding them that the darker parts of their motherhood story are just as valid, just as worthy of exploration, as the joyful ones. But something about Nightbitch tapped into a place that conversations alone rarely reach. Maybe it was the unflinching honesty. Maybe it was the rawness, the messiness, and yes…the outright weirdness of it all.
This film isn’t just about motherhood; it’s about the transformation motherhood demands. It’s about the way you can lose yourself in caregiving while simultaneously discovering an untamed, feral version of yourself you never knew existed. It’s about rage and joy, isolation and connection, and the complicated, contradictory, all-consuming nature of being a mother.
I cried. I cried not because the movie told me something I didn’t already know, but because it showed me. It gave visual, visceral form to the feelings I hear echoed in my office week after week: the exhaustion of being literally everything to everyone, the primal instincts that emerge when protecting your child, and the longing to rediscover yourself…and not as a mother, not as someone’s partner, but as a whole and complex individual.
One of the most moving things about Nightbitch is that it most certainly doesn’t sugarcoat. It leans into the surreal, the grotesque, and the wild. At times, it felt almost too weird, too much. And yet, isn’t that exactly how motherhood feels some days? Like you’re living a surreal existence, caught between societal expectations and the untamed instincts that refuse to be silenced?
The movie reminded me of the importance of embracing the parts of ourselves that don’t fit the "perfect mother" mold…the anger, the frustration, the hunger for more. As mothers, we’re often taught to suppress those emotions, to smooth them over for the sake of appearances or harmony. But those feelings have value. They’re trying to tell us something about what we need, about who we are becoming.
As a therapist, I believe that holding space for mothers to explore these emotions without judgment is one of the most radical forms of care. And seeing a piece of art like Nightbitch reinforces that belief. It’s a reminder that we need more stories that validate the complexity of motherhood, not just the cuddles and cuteness, but the raw, animalistic, sometimes uncomfortable truths.
For those who haven’t seen the film, I won’t spoil it, but I will say this: If you’re a mother who has ever felt lost, wild, or unrecognizable to yourself, Nightbitch might just meet you where you are. It’s a little strange, a little unsettling, and utterly cathartic.
And if it makes you cry? Know that you’re not alone. Sometimes we need art to hold up a mirror and show us what we’ve been too busy…or too scared…to see. This movie reminds us of the power of storytelling to connect us, to validate us, and to remind us that we’re not alone in the beautiful, messy, primal (so primal) experience of being a mother.
As I process my own reaction to the film, I’m left with the validation that I have built my work upon: Sometimes the most profound moments of healing come not from finding the perfect words, but from being witnessed—fully, unapologetically, in all our wild, untamed glory.
To all the mothers out there, new or well seasoned (especially mine) I see you. And you are magnificent. I love you.
