This week, a big transition happened in my family: my second oldest daughter went off to college in Washington, D.C.
But here’s the twist, I wasn’t the one who dropped her off. My husband took her because I needed to stay home: our oldest daughter is due with a baby any day now (that’s another blog post in itself!). And while all that was happening, I still had two younger kids here at home navigating the first days of their new school year.
It’s a lot. And if I had to sum up how I’ve been feeling, it’s not scared, not worried, not even sad (although I look pretty sad in that picture - I am not an attractive crier as Sza would say). Maybe overwhelmed?
I’ve had a kid move out before, but never this far away. Distance makes this time feel heavier. When they’re just across town, you know you can drop by to visit or give them a hug on a hard day. But when they’re states away, the reality hits, you can’t just pop in. And yet, I’m not drowning in grief. Instead, I’m filled with pride. My daughter has worked so hard for this, and she deserves every bit of the adventure and independence she’s stepping into.
Here’s What I’ve Realized
All the little milestones leading up to this were practice for the big day. Every first step, first sleepover, first time driving away on her own, they were all small rehearsals for learning how to let go. Our children don't belong to us, they are their own being. We get to help them along the way... but their childhood a very small blip. They will be adults for much longer.
Motherhood will crack you open in ways that cannot be put into words.
If you’re a new mom, you might wonder how excitement and pride can still bring tears. The truth is, the tears aren’t always about missing them. Sometimes they’re about being cracked open by love, split wide enough to feel both the ache of goodbye and the thrill of watching them soar.
Motherhood is a paradox:
- We give them roots, so they know where home is.
- We give them wings, so they can fly.
- And when they finally take off, our hearts expand in ways that feel both tender and raw.
That’s the work of motherhood, every milestone is practice for release, and every release cracks us open to hold even more love.
What I Wish I Knew Back When I had Babies
When you first become a mom, that feeling of being cracked open can be scary and confusing. You may even worry that you’re broken...that you’ll never feel whole again.
But over time, you learn that the cracking open isn’t damage. It’s expansion. It’s your heart growing in capacity. And though it can feel overwhelming, it’s actually proof that love is reshaping you into something and someone new.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- You don’t have to name every feeling right away. Sometimes “overwhelmed” is as close as you’ll get. That’s okay.
- Excitement and grief can live side by side. You can be proud and still cry. You can be thrilled for them and still miss them.
- Growth is still hard. Just because a change is good doesn’t mean it won’t shake you. The cracking open is part of the process.
- The milestones are practice. Each “first” prepares both of you for the day you watch them spread their wings.
Roots and Wings
Motherhood never stops reshaping us. Today, my heart is holding daughters in three different transitions, one starting college, one about to become a mother herself, and two younger ones finding their way through the first days of a new school year.
And maybe that’s the point: motherhood isn’t about choosing between roots and wings. It’s about giving both, and then letting ourselves feel every bit of the cracking open when they use them.
Have you ever felt like you’re losing your mind for half the month only to wake up a few days later wondering what just happened?
You’re not alone.
Have you ever sobbed from the depths of your soul, snapped at someone you love, or fantasized about disappearing, only to feel totally fine a week later?
You might be dealing with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).
PMDD is more than PMS. It’s a severe, hormone-based mood disorder that impacts around 5–10% of menstruating people, though many go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years. And if you're also navigating motherhood, postpartum changes, or societal expectations of being a "good mom," PMDD can feel like an absolute tidal wave that keeps dragging you under.
What Is PMDD?
PMDD is a cyclical disorder, meaning symptoms return predictably during the luteal phase (the 1–2 weeks before menstruation). It affects mood, thoughts, and physical well-being in ways that can be destabilizing, especially when misunderstood or minimized.
Common PMDD symptoms:
- Sudden mood shifts or rage
- Suicidal thoughts or feelings of hopelessness
- Extreme sensitivity to rejection
- Panic attacks or anxiety spikes
- Fatigue, brain fog, insomnia
- Difficulty parenting or managing day-to-day tasks
The contrast between who you feel like during your follicular phase (after your period) and your luteal phase can be mind blowing. You may feel like you're two different people, which is terrifying for anyone, but especially for moms already juggling so much.
PMDD, Motherhood, and the Mental Load
For moms, PMDD doesn't exist in a vacuum. You're not just managing your cycle; you're also::
- Taking care of a baby or child
- Often sleep-deprived
- Expected to be emotionally available 24/7
- Navigating feeding, school, or sensory issues
- Shouldering the invisible mental load of family life
This is where PMDD intersects painfully with maternal mental health. It can mimic or worsen postpartum depression, anxiety, and even OCD. Many moms describe “rage,” uncontrollable sobbing, or deep shame that lands like clockwork before their period…and then disappears just as fast, leaving guilt in its place.
And society? It rarely gives you permission to rest, rage, or fall apart. You're expected to smile, meal-plan, and be grateful. But PMDD can make that feel impossible, and you are not weak because of that.
Suicide and PMDD: What Needs to Be Said
It’s critical to name this: suicidal ideation is a common symptom of PMDD. Not because you don’t love your life or your children, but because your brain, during this phase, is impacted by hormonal sensitivity that can distort your thinking and shut down your hope.
If you’ve ever felt like ending your life during this phase, you are not alone, and there is help. The thoughts may feel real, but they are not permanent. Treatments work. Connection helps. Naming it out loud changes everything.
If you or someone you love is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out to the 988 Lifeline or a trusted mental health provider.
How a Psychotherapist Can Help – Especially with ACT
As a psychotherapist specializing in maternal mental health, I’ve seen how life-changing therapy can be for PMDD, especially when paired with a compassionate, values-based approach like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Here’s how ACT can help:
1. Defusion:
Defusion is a technique used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it teaches you how to separate yourself from your thoughts. Instead of “I’m a terrible mom,” we shift to, “I’m having the thought that I’m a terrible mom.” That tiny shift creates space between you and your PMDD brain, making room for self-compassion and grounded choices.
2. Values Clarification:
When everything feels chaotic, ACT brings you back to your core values, the mom, partner, human you want to be. Even when you're not feeling like yourself, you can still act from your values. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about anchoring to what matters.
3. Willingness & Self-Compassion:
PMDD hurts. ACT invites us to make room for that pain without judging ourselves for having it. You learn to say, “This is really hard, and I’m still here.” You stop fighting the wave and start surfing it with skill.
4. Committed Action:
We can’t make PMDD disappear overnight, but you can take small, meaningful steps like tracking your cycle, asking for help, setting boundaries, and carving out rest during hard weeks. Action rooted in compassion, not perfection.
What You Can Do Today
- Track Your Cycle: Apps like Me v PMDD or simple journaling can help you connect the dots.
- Build a Luteal Plan: Schedule lighter tasks, ask for help, and prep easy meals when you’re feeling good.
- Talk to a Provider: Psychotherapy, birth control, antidepressants, and lifestyle changes are all on the table.
Motherhood cracks you open in ways you never imagined. From the moment you hold your baby (or maybe the moment you realize you are pregnant), the weight of responsibility, love, and uncertainty settles in. You find yourself questioning everything. Is my baby eating enough? Why won’t they sleep? Am I doing this right?
In the swirl of new motherhood, one of the greatest challenges is learning to trust yourself. But how do you know when it’s your intuition speaking versus anxiety shouting?
The difference between anxiety and intuition is subtle yet powerful. Understanding it can help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected to your authentic self as a mother.
Anxiety Seeks, Intuition Knows
Anxiety is loud. It rushes in, demanding answers, running through a mental checklist of what-ifs. It thrives on uncertainty, making you feel like you need more information, more validation, or a backup plan for every possible scenario.
Intuition, on the other hand, is steady and deep. It doesn’t shout, it nudges. It’s the feeling in your gut that something is right or wrong, even if you can’t explain why. Intuition isn’t rooted in fear, it’s rooted in trust. That trust is already in you, you carry that wisdom already.
Tuning into Your Authentic Self
New motherhood is a time of transformation, and with it can come a disconnect from yourself. When everything is new and overwhelming, anxiety can take over. Grounding yourself in who you truly are can help you recognize when your inner knowing is speaking.
Here are some ways to reconnect with your intuition:
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Anxiety pulls you into overthinking, while intuition often comes through bodily sensations. Take a deep breath. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Ask yourself, What do I feel deep down? If the feeling is a calm certainty or a knowing, even if it doesn’t make logical sense, it’s likely intuition. If it’s spiraling thoughts and urgency, it’s likely anxiety.
Practice Grounding Rituals
Grounding techniques help you return to the present moment, where intuition thrives. Try:
Breathwork: A few slow, deep breaths can quiet anxious thoughts.
Nature: Step outside, feel the earth beneath you, and let nature regulate your nervous system.
Journaling: Write without judgment. Sometimes, intuition reveals itself through reflection.
Notice the Energy Behind the Thought
Anxiety feels like a race…quick, restless, and full of second-guessing. Intuition feels like a gentle wave, it comes, it stays, and it doesn’t demand. When you’re unsure, pause. Ask yourself: Does this thought feel urgent and fear-based, or does it feel calm and certain?
Trust Yourself
The biggest challenge of motherhood is learning to trust yourself in a world full of opinions. Tune out the social media, throw away the multitude of parenting books, and ask a trusted friend or family member instead of heading down the Reddit spiral. When you make decisions based on intuition rather than fear, you build confidence in your ability to navigate motherhood in a way that feels right for you and your baby.
Remember
Anxiety isn’t bad, it’s a protector, a response to the unknown. But it shouldn’t be the driver. Intuition is your inner guide, always present, waiting for you to listen. The more you slow down, ground yourself, and trust your own wisdom, the easier it will be to tell the difference.
You already have everything you need within you. Take a deep breath, momma…you’ve got this.
Matrescence Unveiled:
What is it? And Why it’s Reminiscent of Middle School
Becoming a mother is quite an adventure filled with wonder and transformation. As you embark on this remarkable journey, you might realize you are changing quite a bit. Not just your growing belly, but in a lot of other ways too. Have you heard the term "matrescence"?
What exactly is matrescence and how does it relate to your experience as a new mother? In this blog post, I’ll dive into the origin of the term, explore its meaning, and draw a compelling comparison to adolescence to help you better understand and navigate this season of your life.
The Origin of Matrescence
The term "matrescence" traces its roots back to anthropologist Dana Raphael, who coined it in the 1970s......
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