Motherhood cracks you open in ways you never imagined. From the moment you hold your baby (or maybe the moment you realize you are pregnant), the weight of responsibility, love, and uncertainty settles in. You find yourself questioning everything. Is my baby eating enough? Why won’t they sleep? Am I doing this right?
In the swirl of new motherhood, one of the greatest challenges is learning to trust yourself. But how do you know when it’s your intuition speaking versus anxiety shouting?
The difference between anxiety and intuition is subtle yet powerful. Understanding it can help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected to your authentic self as a mother.
Anxiety Seeks, Intuition Knows
Anxiety is loud. It rushes in, demanding answers, running through a mental checklist of what-ifs. It thrives on uncertainty, making you feel like you need more information, more validation, or a backup plan for every possible scenario.
Intuition, on the other hand, is steady and deep. It doesn’t shout, it nudges. It’s the feeling in your gut that something is right or wrong, even if you can’t explain why. Intuition isn’t rooted in fear, it’s rooted in trust. That trust is already in you, you carry that wisdom already.
Tuning into Your Authentic Self
New motherhood is a time of transformation, and with it can come a disconnect from yourself. When everything is new and overwhelming, anxiety can take over. Grounding yourself in who you truly are can help you recognize when your inner knowing is speaking.
Here are some ways to reconnect with your intuition:
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Anxiety pulls you into overthinking, while intuition often comes through bodily sensations. Take a deep breath. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Ask yourself, What do I feel deep down? If the feeling is a calm certainty or a knowing, even if it doesn’t make logical sense, it’s likely intuition. If it’s spiraling thoughts and urgency, it’s likely anxiety.
Practice Grounding Rituals
Grounding techniques help you return to the present moment, where intuition thrives. Try:
Breathwork: A few slow, deep breaths can quiet anxious thoughts.
Nature: Step outside, feel the earth beneath you, and let nature regulate your nervous system.
Journaling: Write without judgment. Sometimes, intuition reveals itself through reflection.
Notice the Energy Behind the Thought
Anxiety feels like a race…quick, restless, and full of second-guessing. Intuition feels like a gentle wave, it comes, it stays, and it doesn’t demand. When you’re unsure, pause. Ask yourself: Does this thought feel urgent and fear-based, or does it feel calm and certain?
Trust Yourself
The biggest challenge of motherhood is learning to trust yourself in a world full of opinions. Tune out the social media, throw away the multitude of parenting books, and ask a trusted friend or family member instead of heading down the Reddit spiral. When you make decisions based on intuition rather than fear, you build confidence in your ability to navigate motherhood in a way that feels right for you and your baby.
Remember
Anxiety isn’t bad, it’s a protector, a response to the unknown. But it shouldn’t be the driver. Intuition is your inner guide, always present, waiting for you to listen. The more you slow down, ground yourself, and trust your own wisdom, the easier it will be to tell the difference.
You already have everything you need within you. Take a deep breath, momma…you’ve got this.
Women, particularly mothers, often find themselves prioritizing the needs of others over their own well-being, leaving them feeling drained and disconnected. Establishing boundaries is a vital practice that helps individuals protect their emotional, mental, and physical health, while maintaining respectful relationships. Contrary to the misconception that boundaries are about controlling others, they are actually commitments made to oneself about what is tolerable and how one will manage their responses when those limits are approached.
Setting boundaries can be particularly challenging for women who have been socialized to be caregivers and people-pleasers. This often leads to feelings of selfishness or guilt when asserting personal needs, and the intricate demands of motherhood can further blur the lines between personal space and family obligations. However, developing boundaries is a skill that can be cultivated with practice, starting with self-awareness and the courage to say "no" to protect one's personal space.
Establishing boundaries requires consistent effort but offers significant rewards, such as enhanced self-respect and empowerment. By embracing and maintaining these personal limits, women can safeguard their well-being and foster more nourishing relationships. Ultimately, boundaries are about making intentional choices that reflect one's values and provide the energy needed to engage meaningfully with both oneself and others.
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As a mental health therapist who works exclusively with mothers and women, I spend my days holding space for stories of transition, identity, and the deep, untidy emotions of motherhood. I am honored to guide women through these pivotal times, often giving words to feelings they’ve been too overwhelmed, or too afraid, to articulate. And yet, watching Nightbitch, I felt something unexpected: I felt seen.
Which sounds strange, right? I’ve been a mother myself almost 30 years. I don’t have babies anymore. I’m not knee deep in this myself, that season has ended for me. And, I live this work. I speak these truths to women every day, reminding them that the darker parts of their motherhood story are just as valid, just as worthy of exploration, as the joyful ones. But something about Nightbitch tapped into a place that conversations alone rarely reach. Maybe it was the unflinching honesty. Maybe it was the rawness, the messiness, and yes…the outright weirdness of it all.
This film isn’t just about motherhood; it’s about the transformation motherhood demands. It’s about the way you can lose yourself in caregiving while simultaneously discovering an untamed, feral version of yourself you never knew existed. It’s about rage and joy, isolation and connection, and the complicated, contradictory, all-consuming nature of being a mother.
I cried. I cried not because the movie told me something I didn’t already know, but because it showed me. It gave visual, visceral form to the feelings I hear echoed in my office week after week: the exhaustion of being literally everything to everyone, the primal instincts that emerge when protecting your child, and the longing to rediscover yourself…and not as a mother, not as someone’s partner, but as a whole and complex individual.
One of the most moving things about Nightbitch is that it most certainly doesn’t sugarcoat. It leans into the surreal, the grotesque, and the wild. At times, it felt almost too weird, too much. And yet, isn’t that exactly how motherhood feels some days? Like you’re living a surreal existence, caught between societal expectations and the untamed instincts that refuse to be silenced?
The movie reminded me of the importance of embracing the parts of ourselves that don’t fit the "perfect mother" mold…the anger, the frustration, the hunger for more. As mothers, we’re often taught to suppress those emotions, to smooth them over for the sake of appearances or harmony. But those feelings have value. They’re trying to tell us something about what we need, about who we are becoming.
As a therapist, I believe that holding space for mothers to explore these emotions without judgment is one of the most radical forms of care. And seeing a piece of art like Nightbitch reinforces that belief. It’s a reminder that we need more stories that validate the complexity of motherhood, not just the cuddles and cuteness, but the raw, animalistic, sometimes uncomfortable truths.
For those who haven’t seen the film, I won’t spoil it, but I will say this: If you’re a mother who has ever felt lost, wild, or unrecognizable to yourself, Nightbitch might just meet you where you are. It’s a little strange, a little unsettling, and utterly cathartic.
And if it makes you cry? Know that you’re not alone. Sometimes we need art to hold up a mirror and show us what we’ve been too busy…or too scared…to see. This movie reminds us of the power of storytelling to connect us, to validate us, and to remind us that we’re not alone in the beautiful, messy, primal (so primal) experience of being a mother.
As I process my own reaction to the film, I’m left with the validation that I have built my work upon: Sometimes the most profound moments of healing come not from finding the perfect words, but from being witnessed—fully, unapologetically, in all our wild, untamed glory.
To all the mothers out there, new or well seasoned (especially mine) I see you. And you are magnificent. I love you.
Does your Toddler Act Mean Towards You? It's Not Personal, It's Developmental.
In this blog post, I'll explore some of the themes I see as a maternal mental health therapist, some of the reasons why you may be seeing this play out in your home, the importance of not taking a toddler's behavior personally and provide some tips on how to react in a constructive way. Additionally, we'll discuss how to recognize if your own childhood experiences are being triggered by your child's behavior.
Why are they taking it out on ME?
Toddlers typically form strong attachment bonds with their primary caregivers, which are often mothers. This strong bond is the result of the time spent together, the nurturing care provided, and the emotional connection established. Consequently, when toddlers experience strong emotions or frustrations, they are more likely to express these feelings with the person they are most attached to, which is usually the primary caregiver.
For toddlers, their primary caregiver represents a source of comfort and security. When they are upset or distressed, they instinctively turn to the person they trust the most for consolation and support. This means that the caregiver, often the mother, becomes the safe haven where the child feels secure in expressing their emotions, whether positive or negative.
Toddlers thrive on routine and familiarity. The primary caregiver is usually the one who spends the most time with the child, knows their routine, and understands their needs. When the child's routine is disrupted or when they face new and potentially overwhelming situations, they may react emotionally, and their primary caregiver is the one they turn to for reassurance and stability.
Toddlers, especially those who are still developing their language skills, rely heavily on nonverbal communication. This can involve gestures, body language, and facial expressions. Caregivers who have spent more time with the child are often more attuned to these nonverbal cues and can respond effectively. As a result, the toddler may naturally gravitate towards their primary caregiver to express their needs and emotions.
Understand Toddler Brains
First and foremost, it's crucial to understand that toddler behavior is primarily driven by their stage of development. Toddlers are at a stage of rapid brain development. Their brains are like sponges, soaking up information and experiences at an astonishing rate. Here are some key points to consider:
- Prefrontal Cortex: The prefrontal cortex, responsible for executive functions such as impulse control and emotional regulation, is still developing. This means that toddlers struggle with managing their emotions, impulses, and reactions.
- Mirror Neurons: Toddlers are highly influenced by the emotions and behaviors of those around them. Mirror neurons in their brains make them very receptive to your emotional cues. This is why your calm and patient demeanor can positively impact their behavior.
- Limited Attention Span: A toddler's attention span is short, so they may quickly lose interest or become frustrated. This is entirely normal and not a reflection of your parenting skills.
- Toddlers are exploring their independence, discovering boundaries, and testing limits. They lack the emotional regulation and communication skills of older children and adults. Therefore, their actions are not a reflection of your parenting or a personal attack; it's simply a part of their growth process.
Some Tips to Manage this Phase
Communicate Effectively
Since toddlers have limited language skills, they often express themselves through actions rather than words. Encourage healthy communication by using simple and clear language. Explain what's happening, how it makes them feel, and what you expect from them. By doing so, you can help them develop better communication skills and reduce frustration.
Practice Patience
It's easier said than done, but patience is a key virtue in parenting. Remember that your toddler's behavior is often a response to frustration, discomfort, or a lack of understanding. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this phase is temporary. Stay calm and composed, which will serve as a positive example for your child. Remember it’s practice, it takes work.
Self-Reflection
As parents, it's essential to be aware of our own triggers. Our childhood experiences, whether positive or negative, can influence how we react to our own children. Take the time to reflect on your upbringing and identify any emotional triggers that might be causing you to take your toddler's behavior personally.
Do you have any unresolved childhood emotions or trauma? The role of a parent can bring up past experiences and emotions. Here are a few common ways your childhood might show up in your parenting:
- Unresolved Childhood Emotions: You may find yourself reliving aspects of your own upbringing as you navigate the challenges and joys of parenthood. This can include feelings related to your own parents, siblings, and upbringing, both positive and negative.
- Reenactment: Sometimes, parents unconsciously reenact their own childhood experiences with their children. This can be a way of trying to correct or recreate situations that they found challenging or fulfilling in their own upbringing. For example, if you had a distant or absent parent, you might strive to be an extremely present and attentive parent, or you might inadvertently replicate the same behavior you experienced.
- Emotional Triggers: Parenting can bring out emotional triggers that you may not have been aware of before. For instance, if you experienced a traumatic event in your own childhood, witnessing a similar situation with your own child can trigger intense emotions and stress. These emotions may resurface in unexpected and overwhelming ways.
- Expectations and Pressure: The pressure to be a perfect parent or to avoid repeating the mistakes of your own parents can create unrealistic expectations. These expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt when you don't live up to them.
- Attachment and Separation: The attachment and separation phases of a child's development can trigger parental emotions and experiences. For example, when your child starts school or spends more time away from you, it may bring up feelings of abandonment or separation anxiety from your own childhood.
Reframe Your Perspective
To avoid taking your toddler's behavior personally, try to reframe your perspective. Instead of interpreting their tantrums or defiance as a sign of disobedience or a personal affront, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. View these moments as a chance to teach your child about emotions, boundaries, and appropriate behavior.
Seek Support and Self-Care
Sharing your experiences and concerns with other parents can be a tremendous source of support and perspective. Join parenting groups, both online and in person, where you can discuss your challenges and learn from others who have been in similar situations.
Talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these emotions if they become overwhelming.
Don’t forget to prioritize self-care to maintain your emotional well-being, which will in turn help you be a more patient and understanding parent.
If you are reading this, you are already doing a good job!
You are self-aware and looking to grow! Will you make mistakes? You betcha! We all do! Mistakes are opportunities for growth, learning, and resilience. They can lead to stronger family relationships and provide children with valuable life lessons. It's important for parents to embrace their imperfections and focus on being the best parents they can be rather than striving for unattainable perfection. As you foster a healthy and supportive environment for your toddler, you'll both grow and learn together on this parenting journey.
You've got this & certainly are not alone.
You've got this & certainly are not alone.
