This week, a big transition happened in my family: my second oldest daughter went off to college in Washington, D.C.
But here’s the twist, I wasn’t the one who dropped her off. My husband took her because I needed to stay home: our oldest daughter is due with a baby any day now (that’s another blog post in itself!). And while all that was happening, I still had two younger kids here at home navigating the first days of their new school year.
It’s a lot. And if I had to sum up how I’ve been feeling, it’s not scared, not worried, not even sad (although I look pretty sad in that picture - I am not an attractive crier as Sza would say). Maybe overwhelmed?
I’ve had a kid move out before, but never this far away. Distance makes this time feel heavier. When they’re just across town, you know you can drop by to visit or give them a hug on a hard day. But when they’re states away, the reality hits, you can’t just pop in. And yet, I’m not drowning in grief. Instead, I’m filled with pride. My daughter has worked so hard for this, and she deserves every bit of the adventure and independence she’s stepping into.
Here’s What I’ve Realized
All the little milestones leading up to this were practice for the big day. Every first step, first sleepover, first time driving away on her own, they were all small rehearsals for learning how to let go. Our children don't belong to us, they are their own being. We get to help them along the way... but their childhood a very small blip. They will be adults for much longer.
Motherhood will crack you open in ways that cannot be put into words.
If you’re a new mom, you might wonder how excitement and pride can still bring tears. The truth is, the tears aren’t always about missing them. Sometimes they’re about being cracked open by love, split wide enough to feel both the ache of goodbye and the thrill of watching them soar.
Motherhood is a paradox:
- We give them roots, so they know where home is.
- We give them wings, so they can fly.
- And when they finally take off, our hearts expand in ways that feel both tender and raw.
That’s the work of motherhood, every milestone is practice for release, and every release cracks us open to hold even more love.
What I Wish I Knew Back When I had Babies
When you first become a mom, that feeling of being cracked open can be scary and confusing. You may even worry that you’re broken...that you’ll never feel whole again.
But over time, you learn that the cracking open isn’t damage. It’s expansion. It’s your heart growing in capacity. And though it can feel overwhelming, it’s actually proof that love is reshaping you into something and someone new.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- You don’t have to name every feeling right away. Sometimes “overwhelmed” is as close as you’ll get. That’s okay.
- Excitement and grief can live side by side. You can be proud and still cry. You can be thrilled for them and still miss them.
- Growth is still hard. Just because a change is good doesn’t mean it won’t shake you. The cracking open is part of the process.
- The milestones are practice. Each “first” prepares both of you for the day you watch them spread their wings.
Roots and Wings
Motherhood never stops reshaping us. Today, my heart is holding daughters in three different transitions, one starting college, one about to become a mother herself, and two younger ones finding their way through the first days of a new school year.
And maybe that’s the point: motherhood isn’t about choosing between roots and wings. It’s about giving both, and then letting ourselves feel every bit of the cracking open when they use them.
